From Social Anxiety to Tech Confidence — My Story

I need to tell you something I don't talk about much.

For most of my life, I struggled with social anxiety so bad I'd rehearse conversations in my head for hours before having them. I'd avoid meetings. Skip networking events. Stay quiet even when I had something valuable to say.

The idea of putting myself out there — publicly sharing my work, my thoughts, my mistakes — felt absolutely terrifying.

So here's the plot twist: I now build things in public, share my learning journey online, and write blog posts like this one where I'm being extremely vulnerable with strangers on the internet.

What changed? Tech.

The Anxiety Was Real

Let me paint the picture. College-era Denise Mathews would:

• Sit silently in group projects even when I knew the answer
• Have literal panic attacks before presentations
• Decline job opportunities that required public speaking
• Convince myself I wasn't smart/interesting/worthy enough to contribute

It wasn't shyness. It was a genuine, physical fear of being judged, rejected, or "found out" as someone who didn't belong.

I thought I'd just... always be like that.

How Tech Became My Bridge

Here's what I didn't expect: building things gave me confidence in a way nothing else could.

When I wrote my first line of code that actually worked, something shifted. It wasn't about other people anymore. The computer didn't judge me. It either worked or it didn't. And when it didn't work, I could fix it.

That sense of control — of being able to solve problems through learning and effort — was intoxicating.

Slowly, I started:

• Sharing small projects
• Writing about what I was learning
• Asking questions in developer communities
• Posting screenshots of things I built

And you know what? People were... nice. Helpful. Encouraging. The judgment I feared? It barely existed.

Building in Public Changed Everything

The real breakthrough came when I started building in public — sharing my work openly, mistakes and all.

I'd post things like:

• "I broke my entire app trying to add a button 😅 here's what I learned"
• "Built this feature in 3 hours with AI — is this the future or am I cheating?"
• "Day 47 of learning to code: still Googling everything"

The response? Other people related. They'd share their own struggles, offer advice, cheer me on.

Suddenly I wasn't alone in my confusion. I was part of a community of people all figuring it out together.

The Confidence Compounding Effect

Here's what Denise Mathews learned: confidence isn't something you're born with. It's something you build.

Every time I:

• Shipped a project (even a tiny one)
• Wrote a blog post (even if no one read it)
• Answered someone's question (even if I wasn't 100% sure)
• Shared something I made (even if it was imperfect)

...I got a little braver. A little more willing to be seen.

Tech gave me a framework for growth:

1. Try something new
2. Fail (repeatedly)
3. Learn
4. Improve
5. Share
6. Repeat

That cycle — the building cycle — doesn't just make you better at code. It makes you better at life.

The Vulnerable Truth

I still get anxious sometimes. I still second-guess myself before hitting "publish." I still have moments where I think "who am I to share this?"

But now I hit publish anyway.

Because I've learned that:

• Imperfect action beats perfect inaction every single time
• Vulnerability connects people way more than perfection does
• You don't have to be an expert to help someone one step behind you
• Courage is a muscle — the more you use it, the stronger it gets

If You're Where I Was

Maybe you're reading this and thinking "I could never do that." I get it. I felt that way too.

But here's what I wish someone had told me earlier: you don't have to be confident to start. You just have to start.

Build something small. Share it with one person. Write a blog post and publish it even if no one reads it. Comment in a forum. Answer a question. Take one tiny brave action.

And then do it again.

The confidence comes from the doing, not before it.

What I Want You to Know

If you're someone who struggles with putting yourself out there — whether it's anxiety, impostor syndrome, or just general fear of judgment — I want you to know:

You have something valuable to share. Your perspective, your journey, your unique way of seeing things — it matters.

The world doesn't need more polished experts. It needs more real people sharing real experiences.

So build something. Share your process. Be vulnerable. Be imperfect.

You might be surprised by how much you grow. And how many people you help along the way.

I know I was.

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Want to connect? I'm always happy to chat with people on similar journeys. Reach out anytime — I promise I don't bite. (Anymore. The anxiety's mostly gone now. 😊)